Waking Dreams before Dawn,
Ancestors Talking to You
Pick up your feathers,
Use the Medicine
Sing Your Heart Songs,
Child of the Cosmos
You are Ready.
Making the leap to answer your Ancestors calling is probably one of the hardest and scariest things any person can ever do. I know, it happened to me. The fears pulling at my mind and heart around a decision to stay or move, to act or be still, to walk the path that was slowly presenting it self to me or to ignore it and walk the other way. I was living a good life already, what if this dream, this vision, this passion in my heart took that all away….but what if it didn’t? What if what felt impossible is possible?
The waking dreams continued over 5 years, like clockwork at 3:00 AM my eyes would open and I would look out the window to be greeted with darkness. At first it was mulling over whether or not I should act, then it changed to idea’s lining up in my mind on how to make it possible, then it transformed into sitting up and writing down these ideas in my journal. I began to get excited. I started sharing my ideas with my husband, who immediately shot them down with skepticism. He asked me questions like “What about our children?” “What about time with our family?” “what about….” I let his words sit with me for a bit. Everything he was asking me, were questions I had already asked myself. What about our children? What about our family? This BIG dream I was talking about would certainly impact them.
As a woman who has found healing through the transformation of motherhood, I was going risk my most valuable treasures, which was time and attention to my family. Was it worth it? Who would benefit? Who would not? More questions, more worries, more doubt. I knew people who had swung for the fence and lost more than their shirts in the process. I couldn’t lose them to this. I needed to think about this more.
Whether your most valuable treasure is your home, family, community, integrity-it will be what your measure all your decisions against in pursuit of your dreams. They say the price of doing the impossible is high, it’s true. It is. Nobody knows what’s most valuable to you, only you know that. Realizing your dream is a gift, that is true. People can go through their whole lives and not know their purpose, but rather accept to drift through this world in search of warmth by those on their life path. There is certainly nothing wrong with that, but I would like to believe we are all here for a reason. Whether we are leading change or reinforcing it, your important and you have a purpose.
The courage people talk about when you decide to go for it is really the courage to face yourself. To face the potential of failure, to face the trauma you still carry in your body that has not healed yet, and to be humble with yourself-that you don’t know what you don’t know. You will meet that courage at every turn and decision you make and soon it will be like your old friends. You will look at what’s in front of you and leap with your eyes open, rather than with them closed.
Part of realizing your dream and setting your sights on achieving it, is letting self-discovery be part of that journey. Getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. Perhaps up to this point, you have been successful at not putting yourself in situations that challenge your beliefs and have been able to detour yourself from real growth, because you haven’t had the courage to face yourself yet. It’s that courage and maybe even stubbornness that will flame your dream fire into reality. Don’t shy away from being and feeling uncomfortable, it’s growth happening
You will have many conversations with people who will question your path and commitment. More importantly, you will meet people who will question the feasibility and reality of the BIG dream. Get used to being challenged, questioned, evaluated, measured- all those things that happen when those listening to you don’t trust your commitment and devotion to the path you’re on. Get comfortable with being questioned. If you’re like me, dig your heals and make sure you know the ins and outs of that BIG dream. It will prepare you for when you are standing in front of your community sharing it with them and they start to fire off questions to you about the work you are doing.
As I pursue this birth center dream, my act of doing the impossible. I have certainly had to face myself. I have had to revisit past trauma that has not healed and look at how it was impacting my ability to share this dream with everyone. I am naturally an introvert and enjoy my alone time, recharging my inner child with art, poetry, and creative writing. I basically confront my anxiety of talking to large groups of people monthly. I have had to learn the business of birth, spending a lot of time working on spreadsheets and developing contracts, rather than basking in the lovely glow and magic of birth. It’s a tradeoff for sure, I came to midwifery with the understanding that I would be part of many magical moments with families. Now I am spending a lot of time creating a larger space to share that magic with all families.
It is certainly like a wild fire when you begin to glow with that brilliant light inside.
(Oh…how desperately our world is in need of you and that light right now.)
You begin to meet likeminded individuals and then your light together ignites a bright fire that is hard to miss. Suddenly, your dream becomes everyone’s dream.
Along with the beauty of your ignited and beautiful soul from listening to your ancestors call you into your life path, you will feel a shift happen within you. You might not notice it right away, because you are so focused on the work you are doing, but take the time to bask in where you are now and where you were then. Whether it is an inch or a mile from where you started, you made a leap of faith to go for it, that is BIG.
If you are reading this now and feeling afraid to make the important decisions in your life that prevent you from your life path. Please know I have been there. I chose to accept my calling and listen to the ancestors. I have lost friends, made friends, burned out, lit back up, and am still going for it. I wanted to share this important message with you and I hope it reaches the far reaches of your spirit that hasn’t been spoken to in a while. Go for it. Dream Big. Just go for it.
Author: Nicolle L. Gonzales
Visionary, Dreamer-the woman who just decided to go for it!